He put his other hand over Jim's as well and it said something that he managed not to fall over himself at the mention of Tony officiating their wedding.

"Me neither."

But he swallowed a little.

"That first time we really talked, I was... I was an ass. And so much of that was because I was afraid that I was going to screw everything up, lose you before I even got you back."

He turned to catch Jim's eye.

"It's part of why I didn't want to... well... live. After they woke me up. Nothing felt real, like it would be there when I opened my eyes next. So I just... floated through. Let things happen. Threw myself into things mostly for something to do. Tried... tried not to damage what little it seemed like I had."

He gave Jim's hand a squeeze.

"Then you came back. And I had a choice. You made that clear. I either lived, like I'd always lived, heart on my sleeve, convictions and scars and all... or it didn't matter what I had, because I'd spend so much time afraid, I wouldn't feel anything anyway."

He turned a little further, looking at Jim.

"I'm not telling you that's what you should do or how you should feel. That's not how figuring things out works. After all, you always had more sense than me. I'm just telling you, in my own way, as much as anyone can... I get it."